If The Dark Knight Rises Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest...

[BatmAngelus]

Brought to you by The Editing Room:
http://www.cracked.com/article_20012_if-dark-knight-rises-was-10-times-shorter-more-honest.html

A few favorite parts:

TOM HARDY
(in 5.1 surround)
Remember how the lasht villain was introduced in a full-head mashk, only revealing hish true face ash he pulled off an overly elaborate plan that involved shacrifiching hish own underlingsh?
(removes hood)
WE'RE DOING IT AGAIN, WITH NO SHURVIVORSH!

TOM HARDY
At lasht, Liam Neeshon's plan will come to fruition! Even though Gotham ish basically fixed now, I will complete the plan to deshtroy it!

ANNE HATHAWAY
So the plot of the first movie, but less coherent this time?

TOM HARDY
OF COURSH! But firsht, I musht break the Bale!

BAT-BALE
So it comes to this, the epic match between two graduates of the world's most lethal ninja organization. Truly this battle will be a showcase of precision fighting techniques and tactical skills.
(swings wildly and grunts)
Grrggllrrr frrrraar!

CILLIAN MURPHY
For the crime of me sitting through Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, I sentence you to exile!

BAT-BALE
Gary, I need you to find the truck carrying the nuclear bomb and put this thingamagig on it.

GARY OLDMAN
Got it, nobody better for this job than the oldest guy here!

BAT-BALE
Anne, I need you to ignore your nagging questions about how I got back into the city from Pakistan without any money and blow open a path out of Gotham.

ANNE HATHAWAY
Alright, but the fact that you keep trusting me for absolutely no reason indicates you might have some serious brain damage.

BAT-BALE
Joseph, I need you to free all of the police from the sewers so they can use their years of tactical training to pack themselves into an alleyway and run straight at Tom Hardy's military-equipped army.

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT
Will do, make sure you blow up exactly one of the weapons on exactly one of Hardy's tanks to help them.

CHRISTIAN BALE
Maybe the next Batman could, and I know this is a crazy thought, actually draw more than character names and politics from the comic books that define him? You know, the ones that everyone loves and completely reinvented the industry?

[greggbray]

I just read this and loved it.  It more or less addressed every problem I have with the film, but conveyed it in a way worthy of satire magazines in their heyday.  Approaching MAD from 20 and plus years ago level of fun accuracy. 

BAT-BALE

WHEREESSTHETRIGGGAA!? WHEREISSITT!?

TOM HARDY

Alright, Nolan ish jusht f**king with ush now, I'm shure of it.

Read more: If 'Dark Knight Rises' Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_20012_if-dark-knight-rises-was-10-times-shorter-more-honest.html#ixzz255OuirT3

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT

Uh, is there anything for me? Check under my legal name.

SECRETARY

Oh my God, big reveal time! What's your legal name? Jean-Paul Valley? Terry McGinnis? Dick Grayson? Jason Todd? Tim Drake?

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT

Robin.

SECRETARY

What? No.

Still chuckling.